What's the Best Way to Prepare for a Big NIght of Drinking?

People often ask me, "What's the best way to prepare for a big night of drinking?" Even before my days as an Unemployed Landscape Architect, I was well versed in this subject. There are a lot of myths and old wives' tails out there that will get you nowhere in my opinion. After all, your plan is to go out and drink copious amounts of alcohol. There is no safeguard to ensure you're operating at 100% the next morning. There is going to be an impact. However, there are steps you can take that are proven through empirical evidence to lessen the impact of the booze and speed up your recovery time.

First Step: Practice early and often.
The most important thing to do before going out and giving it your all is to practice, practice, practice. Think about it. In any sport one has to put in the time to be good at what they do. Do you think bowlers are born natural athletes? No, they spend years perfecting their craft and sculpting their bodies, even if it means "rolling on Shabbos" occasionally. So you don't have the depth of experience you'd like and you've got a big night coming up. Well, I am a firm believer in the "micro-tolerance". That's right, micro-tolerance. Ever notice when you go on a couple day drunk how the hangover is always worse after the first night and the pain lessens the subsequent mornings. Walla, micro-tolerance. You're body builds up a natural defense to the chemicals because it sees that you are beginning to lead a very different lifestyle and doesn't know how long it will take before you finally get another job...er, whatever. It's like conditioning for athletes. You're always stiff and soar the first day back training, but your body gets used to it after awhile.

Number Two: Get a Good Base In.
Make sure you eat food of substance before going out. Salad, sushi, soup...all delicious, but no go on a big night of drinking. You need a good burger, some pasta or anything else that is going to be able to absorb some booze. Stay away from the S's. Also, make sure that you eat well in advance, say an hour or two. It's best to have things settled so as to not upset the curing process. When laying a good foundation, you've got to make sure the concrete is dry before building upon it.

Step C: Stay Away from Sugarry Drinks.
Overloading your body on sugar, whether you're drinking or not, inhibits your body from metabolizing, thus giving you a pretty nasty headache. If you weren't drinking, you wouldn't suck down 12 glasses of Coca Cola in a matter of hours, would you? Think about that next time and maybe opt for a different mixed drink that doesn't call for soda or drink your booze straight. Be fore-warned though, the type of liquor you choose can contribute to headaches too. Rums, Brandys, American Whiskeys and white wines are generally high in sugar content. They have the potential to hurt you. Unless you're Puerto Rican like my friend Marcus. Rum is like spinach to that guy. General rule of thumb, the clearer or more transparent your drink, the more refined the alcohol is and the less chance of giving you a bad hangover. Antecedent to all of this, it's always a good rule of thumb to drink water throughout the night. Don't be fooled by naysayers. This is not a pussy move. Dehydration is a killer and another leading cause to headaches in the morning. This will prolong your night and will be extremely beneficial in the long run.

Finally: You're Wasted...Now What?
Ok, you drank the wine, you did the shots, you went home with that girl everyone told you you shouldn't have (can't help you there), now what? It's not a bad idea to cap everything off with a nice gyro sandwich, slice of pizza or 3am breakfast. This in effect accomplishes much of what having a good base does. See B. As far as the next day goes, hopefully you're not waking up too painfully. Side note, It does get worse with age. To speed up the recovery, consume quality, healthy substances. Drink fruit juice, eat a healthy breakfast, work out if you can stand it. It's all about purging the toxins. Very similar to phytoremediation as all you ecologists and landscape architects know. Planting the right tree species in contaminated soil can absorb the toxins and alleviate the problem. Eating the right foods will kick start your recovery...if that's what you're going for. If you're thinking you had a good go and want to keep your newly established micro-tolerance going, then go have a bloody mary.

p.s. don't fall in love with any waitresses whilst out. They are friendly and helpful because they have to be, not because they're impressed with how many Irish Car Bombs you've consumed. - Anecdotal evidence once again.